The Bloo Panther
by Ub3rD4n
Summary: A surprise inspection is called on Fosters, and it's up to Frankie to make sure they pass! Meanwhile, Bloo tries to solve the mystery of the world's largest jewel! Well, not really....


Title shot: The title in Red and Blue, on a neon pink background

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Stop

"Frankie, I'm bored! Frankie? Frankie? Fraaaaankiiiiiiiie? Why aren't you answering me?"  
"Because I'm trying to drive!"  
Frankie was getting quite justifiably irritated with Bloo, as she was driving him, Wilt, Coco and Eduardo home from the Game Hive.  
"Are we home yet?"  
"No, Bloo, I told you, I have some errands to run before I can drop you guys back home. You'll just have to be patient."  
"But I haaaate being patient! Why couldn't you have done the errands first, then picked us up?"  
"Because this way cuts 20 minutes off my time." said Frankie, swerving through traffic  
"Are we done yet?'  
"No."  
"Are we done yet?"  
"No."  
"Are we dooone yeeeet?"  
"No!"  
"Frankie?"  
"What?! What is it!?" Frankie screeched.  
"I don't feel so good." said Eduardo.  
"Oh, you don't mean- how bad?"  
Eduardo began to make gulping noises and put both hands to his mouth.  
"Oh, nonnononono! Don't do that in here! Look, I'll pull over, we'll find a bathroom."  
Frankie swerved violently into the nearest parking space and opened the doors to the Fosters bus, told Bloo to stay put, then half-led half-shoved Eduardo out the doors and into a place named "Swanky Bagels", which was the nearest establishment which even looked REMOTELY like it had a bathroom. Almost immediately, Bloo followed.  
"Hey, what's this place? Looks cool!"  
"I'm sorry Frankie; he slipped out of my grasp!"  
"Cococo coco?"  
"No, Coco, we do not have time for bagels!" Frankie protested, trying to catch Bloo and stop Coco from going up to the counter to order at the same time. Eduardo then leaned on her.  
"Frankieee...I REALLY feel sick in my tummy..."  
It was about that time that Frankie noticed some snickering coming from one of the tables.  
"You guys can just kill me if you ever find me wrangling an unwashed gaggle of three-year-old imaginary friends." said a young lady about Frankie's age, in a suit, who was eating some bagels with her friends. "Man, did SHE let her life go down the toilet. What a crappy job! To say nothing of her fashion sense."  
"Hey, my fashion sense is just fine!" Frankie found herself saying.  
"Yeah, right! What do you live with your grandma or something?" at which all the ladies at the table began to laugh.  
"But-I-uh..."  
"Hey, bony face!" called Bloo from across the room, bearing down on the anonymous lady. "Why don't you mind your own business, huh? For your information, Frankie has an AWESOME job. She gets to work with all kinds a cool imaginary friends like me."  
"Oh, that is a cool job...if you're eight!"  
"Oh yeah?" Bloo yelled angrily, jumping onto the table so he could be eye to eye with his target. "Well, if she's so pathetic, then what does that make you? You got nothing better to do but sit here eating your bagels and making fun of random strangers to make yourself feel better? And speaking of fashion sense, at least Frankie doesn't look like she's going to a funeral! And by the way, what do you, starve yourself? Trying to overcompensate for someone not thinking you're "pretty"?" at this, the lady in the suit's friends began laughing at her. The lady stopped looking smug and began looking angry, and stood up at her full height to tower over the short blob.  
"Listen you little drooling child brain-fart! Real people don't take kindly to being insulted by make-believe weirdoes, so why don't you just go back to your playpen and eat some small removable toy parts?"  
"Whatever, lady. I don't care what you say about me, cause you're just some creepy stranger, but if you want to insult Frankie, you gotta deal with me."  
"And me." said Wilt, standing in front of Frankie.  
"Co co!"  
"And m-bluuuurgh!" Ed couldn't finish, as his bus-sickness finally caught up on him. All over the lady's suit! Everyone just stared with their mouths open for a while. Then Frankie spoke.  
"I-I-I'm sorry, I'll-"  
"Get! Out!"  
"But I can-"  
"I don't care! Just get away from me!" the lady screeched. Bloo, Ed, Wilt, Coco and Frankie all ran out of the bagel shop and back into the Fosters bus, and Frankie shut the doors and stared at the steering wheel for quite a while. Then her mouth started to wobble, and she cracked up laughing! And so did everyone else, except Eduardo.  
"Did you see the look on her face?" Frankie asked, still laughing.  
"After I burned her, or after Eduardo threw up on her?" Bloo responded.  
"I'm sorry, but she got what she deserved!" Wilt added.  
"Cococo coco co!" mentioned Coco, still cracking up.  
"...I is sorry Frankie." said Eduardo softly, looking very sorry indeed. Frankie walked up to him and put an arm on his shoulder.  
"Don't be, Ed. It wasn't your fault. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Well, except maybe Duchess."  
This seemed to cheer Eduardo up. "So you no mad at me?"  
"No, Ed, I'm not mad at you." Frankie then got into the driver's seat and started the bus. "And by the way, Bloo...thanks."  
"For what?"  
"For standing up for me."  
"Ah, no problem Frankie. It's what friends do. You'd have done the same for me."  
Frankie looked touched for a moment, then got herself together. "Okay, guys, let's get this show back on the road. Tell you what; we'll stop for ice cream later on, okay?"  
This was met with enthusiastic agreement, as the bus drove off. Outside the bus, the lady in the now ruined suit stood outside Swanky Bagels, looking furious. "Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends...I'll get you back. I swear it!"

Chapter 2: Spring Cleaning

Frankie walked contentedly down the halls of Fosters. Maybe it was the fact that she was on top of her jobs for once, or the fact that Bloo had done something nice for her recently (which was also a rarity), but she just felt on top of the world today (yes, a bad omen, I know.).  
"Hey, there Jackie, how's it hangin'?"  
"Not bad."  
"Cowboy, nice to see you! Hey, Duchess!"  
"Bite me."  
"Hey, Handy. Need a hand?" Frankie called, then pulled a splinter out of Handy's palm.  
"Thanks Frankie!"  
Frankie was going to get herself a cup of coffee, when she heard some frantic mutterings coming from Mr. Herriman's office. Frankie looked inside to find Mr. Herriman's office floor literally covered with piles of paperwork. Mr. Herriman was in the middle of it all, frantically picking up papers, looking at them, then throwing them down again.   
"What the heck is going on, Mr. H?" Frankie asked.  
"Ah, Miss Frances." Mr. Herriman seemed to regain his composure somewhat at the sound of Frankie's voice. "I have just received word that there shall be an inspection of Fosters by the Department of Social Services at twelve o clock tomorrow, and I shall require you to make sure that the house is immaculate. I myself have too much paperwork to triple-check before then."  
"What? An inspection? Just out of the blue?"  
"Indeed, Miss Frances, and you should tell the friends that I expect them on their best behavior."  
"Uh..okay, Mr. Herriman." Frankie said, and backed out of Mr. Herriman's office as he went back to panicking. Frankie walked down the hall, wondering what to make of this. "Well, things shouldn't be too bad, I guess, as long as no one does anything-"  
ZOOM! At that moment, a lawn mower came racing through the hall, with Bloo hanging off the back end. Mac came racing after it, turning the corner a little too sharply and knocked over a vase, which smashed on the ground. He paid this no heed and kept on chasing after Bloo. Frankie snatched him up as he ran by.  
"Mac! What's going on!?"  
"I don't know! Bloo said he should mow the carpet and I said it was a good idea but I didn't know he'd go THROUGH with it!"  
"Why, Mac? WHY?!!"  
"He said he was "spring cleaning"!"  
The two then heard an explosion from around the corner, and Bloo yelling "Okay, Mac! I got it to stop!"  
"Alright, Mac. I need you to keep Bloo distracted for a moment." said Frankie, thinking fast. "Help him cover up the evidence or something."  
"But why-"  
"Just do it!" cried Frankie, running away from the scene of destruction.

"Wallpaper?" asked Wilt.  
"Co."  
"Water? Is it water?" asked Eduardo.  
"Co."  
"Water isn't even in the room, Eduardo." admonished Wilt.  
"Oops. Sorry...Is it Senor Wilt?"  
"Co co."  
"Well I'm sorry, but I'm stumped."  
"Me too. Okay, what was it you spy Coco?"  
"Coco coco!"  
"I'm sorry, Coco, but there isn't any wiener dog in the room."  
Coco then layed an egg, which opened up to reveal a plush wiener dog toy. Eduardo picked it up and started to hug it.  
"Oh...okay..." said Wilt. Then Frankie burst into the room.  
"Guys! I need you to do me a huge favor! See, there's an inspector coming over from the Department of Social Services to inspect the house, and everything needs to be in tip-top shape or they could close us down!" The three imaginary friends gasped at this. "Yeah, so I need you guys to make sure that Bloo doesn't mess things up while he's here. Can you do that for me? And don't let him know what's going on or he'll act up for sure."  
"What about Mac? He's normally the problem solver around here." asked Wilt.  
"It's all gonna go on while he's at school so we can't get Mac to bail us out and stop Bloo from acting all crazy this time."  
"Well, I'm okay with that. We're three adult imaginary friends. I mean, we don't need an eight-year-old to help us perform a simple task, right guys?"  
"Oh, sorry, Wilt. I was not listening to you, I was listening to Christina."  
"Christina?"  
"Me new wiener dog."  
Coco, on the other hand, was trying to balance on her head.

Chapter 3: Unwelcome Guests

Ding-dong!  
"Okay guys, you remember the plan! Find Bloo and keep him AWAY from the inspector until he's gone! Now go, go, go!"  
Wilt, Eduardo and Coco ran off to find Bloo, while Frankie ran towards the main doors and opened them wide.  
"Welcome to Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends. I'm Frankie and I-oh, it's just you."  
"You" turned out to be Adam and Douglas, standing in front of the main doorway in their usual grubby attire.  
"Yes, it is we!" proclaimed Adam, "We have returned once more to Fosters to gaze upon your beauteous visage."  
"So, you guys are here to see Coco."  
"Who?"  
"Coco!" snapped Douglas.  
"Oh, yes...of course."  
"Well, come on in. I'd show you to Coco but I'm expecting someone."  
"We'll show ourselves in." Adam said, and he sauntered in, leaving Douglas to haul a large heavy weird-looking piece of equipment in. 

Meanwhile, Wilt, Eduardo and Coco found Bloo in the media room, watching TV.  
"Hey, Bloo!" said Wilt.  
"Hello?"  
"Soooo... wanna go play outside? It's a great day for it."  
"Naah...I'm in more of a TV mood today."  
"...You sure?"  
"Yep."  
"But we can't play basketball with an odd number of people."  
"So? Find someone else. I'm sure there's a bunch of guys who'd love to play." Bloo said, flipping through channels.  
"But you gotta go!" Eduardo cried out.  
"Why?"  
"Cause of the inspector." Eduardo said before thinking, then quickly put his hands to his mouth.  
"Inspector, what inspector?" Bloo, now engaged, asked suspiciously.  
"Nothing. No one. I uh...no speaka the English." Eduardo blurted out.  
"What's going on here?" Bloo asked.  
"I found a hat." came a contented statement from across the room. When the others turned to see who had said this statement (as if they didn't already know), they saw none other than Cheese, standing there with an upturned flower pot on his head. There was a trail of muddy footprints leading up to him.  
"Oh, no." said Wilt softly. Coco, on the other hand, made to run up to tackle Cheese, but he saw her coming, screamed, and ran off the other way. Coco continued to chase after him, and Wilt and Eduardo followed after, leaving Bloo there to ponder these strange circumstances.  
"What the heck was that all about? Something about an inspector. Why would an inspector come to Fosters? Unleeesss he was on the trail of a famous jewel thief, and that jewel thief was one of the residents of Fosters! Wow! Who knew we had a famous jewel thief living here. But that inspector's gonna need help from someone who knows their way around here..." Bloo then ran upstairs to the toy chest and pulled out a magnifying glass and a Sherlock Homes hat. "This looks like a case for the legendary detective Inspector Blooseu!" Bloo then ran off, presumably to solve a crime.

"Man, I've been waiting a while." Frankie muttered to herself. "Maybe it would be better to go get some chores out of the way while I wait for this inspector to show up. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll just go and-"  
Ding-dong!  
"Finally!" Frankie made her way back to the front doors and opened them up. "Welcome to Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends. I'm Frankie and I-" once again, Frankie saw something she did not expect to see. Standing outside the doors were a middle-aged lady with steel-gray hair mottled with brown, but it was the thing next to her that really made Frankie hesitate. The lady from the other day was standing right there next to her, grinning, as if this was the most natural thing in the world. The middle-aged lady introduced herself.  
"I'm Doris Philburn from the Department of Social Services. I'll be inspecting this care facility. This is my niece Denise. She will be accompanying me. Is there a problem?"  
"...No! No problem! Right this way. Like I was saying I'm the Estate Manager of Fosters. I see to it that all the friends' needs are met. This is the main foyer. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to Mr Herriman, our Director of Financial Affairs. He'll conduct the tour the rest of the way." Frankie led the two up the stairs to Mr Herriman's office. "Mr Herriman? The inspector's here. And she's brought her niece." Frankie sounded a little miffed at that last point.  
"Ah. The more the merrier." said Mr Herriman jovially as he came out of his office. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mr Herriman, Director of Financial Affairs for Fosters." said Mr Herriman, holding out his hand.  
"This is your Director of Financial Affairs? Tell me this is some kind of inappropriate joke." said Miss Philburn.  
"I shall have you know, Madame, that I have held this position for over twenty years."  
"How nice of you. Here, have a wowwi pop." Miss Philburn said, reaching to grab one from her pocket.  
"I never! Do not patronise me, young lady! How dare you judge me without even so much as properly introducing yourself! Why, in all my years-"  
"Now, Mr Herriman, " interjected Frankie, "we don't want to insult the nice lady who has the power to SHUT US DOWN." Mr Herriman harrumphed and retreated back into his office. "Sorry about that. Mr Herriman's old and he sometimes has these...episodes."  
"Oh, I understand. Children can be like that sometimes. I work with them a lot in my profession."  
"Uh, so I guess I'm giving the rest of the tour. Uh, this way..."  
As the three of them walked off back downstairs, a figure came out of the shade in the far reaches of the hallway.  
"Shut Fosters down, eh?" said Duchess "What an interesting concept."

Chapter 4: Tumbling Into Madness

"Hmmm...what do you know? A perfect chance to finally be free of this accursed place." Duchess mused. "A plan presents itself. All I need is-"  
"Excuse me sir." came Adam's voice from behind Duchess "Would you be interested in participating in an experiment for the benefit of figmentology?" as he and Douglas approached, grinning.  
"Ugh! I would not even been seen NEAR you grody nerds, let alone let you touch my delicate skin or breathe on me as you no doubt plan to do!"  
"Do you not care about the progress of science?!"  
"Oh, go stick it in your ear." Duchess spat, walking off. "Now, where was I? Oh, yes. All I need is a patsy..."  
"Hello, Duchess! What's shakin'?"  
This call had came from the only friend in Fosters desperate enough for conversation to try starting one with Duchess. Slugger was a medium-sized imaginary friend who looked like...a slug without the eyestalks. Or a sack of water, or something. Definitely something boneless. He was grey with white spots and had really bad teeth, and was famous at Fosters for being a little TOO in need of a friend. (Yes, you can just read Not Larry Nice for a short description of him, but he never got a real decent-sized one, so...there you go. Just in case you were wondering). Duchess turned to face him to see him stretched out so that he was almost face to face with Duchess.  
"You! Whiny ugly creature. You must do me a favour."  
"Whaddo I get in return?" Slugger returned.  
"What do you want?" Duchess asked irritably.  
"All I want...all I ever want is to have attention!"  
"Well, then. You know a way to force others to pay attention to you?"  
"How? How?" he asked, bouncing up and down.  
"You wreck up the place!"  
Slugger sat, stunned, his mouth agape. "Of course! Wreck up the place! Then they'll have no choice but to pay attention to me!" he fell to Duchess' feet and began kissing her shoes. "How can I repay you?"  
"Just don't mention it was me that gave you the idea." Duchess said, walking off grinning (uh, grimacing, actually. But that's as close as Duchess gets to smiling).

"Ohmygosh, Bloo!"  
"Que? I is Eduardo."  
"No, we left Bloo behind! We gotta keep an eye on him! Ed, can you go and keep an eye on Bloo while Coco and I try to show Cheese out? Make sure he stays out of trouble."  
"Si, no problemo, Wilt. No worry, I take good care of Bloo." Ed replied, walking off in search of Bloo (hey, "In search of Bloo" sounds like a nice episode title, don't it? I'm particularly chatty this evening). Wilt, meanwhile, took his attention back to Cheese, who was attempting to eat a Game station controller, while perched atop the widescreen plasma TV in the media room. Not even Wilt could reach up there. Coco was bouncing and snapping at Cheese with her beak.  
"Hey, Cheese? Uh, could you get off the TV? You're pretty high up and I'm sure it's dangerous and you're not supposed to eat the Game station controller! It's not fair on the other people who use this room!"  
CRASH! The TV became unbound to the wall by Coco's knocking it and tumbled to the floor, ruining it and sending Cheese spinning into Wilt's shoe. Wilt reached down for him, but Cheese, lightning quick, sped away, leaving the room and only a drool-covered controller in his wake.

"Hm, now if I'm gonna investigate this theft, I'm gonna need some clues. And since I don't have any of that, I'm gonna need witnesses." Bloo jumped Yogi Booboo, who just happened to be passing by. "Where were you on the Wednesday of July 2001?"  
"I...I do not know. It was a long time ago. Why are you grabbing me, Bloo?"  
"I'll ask the questions here! So, you admit you have no alibi...well, things are looking pretty grim for you...jewel thief!"  
"Jewel thief? I know nothing about jewel thieves and their kind! Why do you implicate me in such a manner?"  
"There's a big-time jewel thief loose in Fosters, and I aims to track him down! With my superior sleuthing skills, his days are numbered!"  
"I assure you! I know nothing of the jewel thief!"  
"Come on! It's obvious that you know SOMETHIING. If you aren't the jewel thief, then you can at least rat him out to save your own worthless hide."  
"Um...okay...have you tried asking...Jackie Khones?"  
"You saying it's him?"  
"I'm not saying anything..." Yogi Booboo said, winking and taking the opportunity of Bloo letting go of him to walk off.

"Okay, wreck the place...wreck the place..." muttered Slugger, walking along the corridors of Fosters. "Aha! A wall! I can wreck that, I can totally wreck that!" He then proceeded to slam his head against the wall repeatedly, eventually dislodging a vase from a ledge and sending it smashing on top of his head. "Success!"

"Okay, Ms Philburn," said Frankie, in front of the door to Madame Foster's room. "This is my grandma's room. She's the person who founded Fosters by picking a poor, homeless imaginary friend off of the streets all those years ago. She doesn't do much managing of the house nowadays, but she's still the heart and soul of Fosters. Doris Philburn, meet-grandma!" Frankie yelled, as Madame Foster came rushing out of her room with her bloomers on her head, knocking over Denise and jumping onto one of the suits of armour.  
"Hoo-hoo! You'll never catch me, you whippersnapper!" she yelled.  
"Grandma! Come down from there! Don't you want to meet the nice lady from the Department of Social Services? Ms Philburn is here to inspect Fosters to make sure everything is in ORDER."  
"The feds! They're on to us! I gotta go hide the stolen artwork!" Madame Foster cried, and made to run off, but Frankie caught her. "Grandma! Excuse her, she hasn't had her medicine today. Grandma!"  
"Jeeze, what's a senile old coot like that doing out of an old folk's home?" asked Denise. Madame Foster's eyes went wide and she stared at her with her mouth open for a moment before shouting "Retirement home! Why you no good dirty rotten pole vault! I don't belong there! I got years a life in me! I'll prove it! I'll wrestle you right now! I'll take you down like Donkey Town!" Frankie tried in vain to calm Madame Foster down. Ms Philburn spoke. "If it's okay, I'd like to have a little chat with Madame Foster in private. She is the official operator of this facility."  
"Uh...okay." Frankie was forced to say. Ms Philburn took Madame Foster's hand and led her (struggling) into her room and shut the door. Frankie turned to Denise almost instantly and said to her, in a mildly threatening way, "Okay, now you're gonna tell me just what the heck is going on."

Chapter Five: Random Encounters

"Just what do you think you're doing here?" asked Frankie, angrily.  
"Why, I'm just here to spend some quality time with my dear Aunt Doris." Denise replied, mockingly innocent.  
"And she just happens to be inspecting this place a few days after we met?"  
"Well, I saw the name of this place on the bus and thought it'd be a nice place to visit."  
"Look, your beef's with me. Leave the friends out of it."  
"Oh, I don't think so." spat Denise, dropping the act. "I'll be glad when every one of those annoying FREAKS are out on the street!"  
Just then, Ms Philburn came out of Madame Foster's room with the remains of a vase on top of her head. "You can't make me talk, pig!" called Madame Foster, still in the room. "I think we can move along now." said Ms Philburn gravely.

Slugger pulled a painting down from the wall and, with great difficulty, seeming as he had no arms, smashed it over his head, and then spun it around until it flew off of his head into a wall. He was still vaguely dissatisfied. "Well, where the heck is everyone!? I know it's a big house, but... Well, looks like I'm gonna hafta aim bigger. I know! The garage!" And he bounced madly off in the direction of the garage.

"Senor Azul? Senor Azuuuul? Is Eduardo-whoa!" Eduardo, who was wandering the halls looking for Bloo, was pulled up head over heels by a rope snare. "Aah! They is gonna grind my skull for me precious ivory!"  
"Eduardo!" cried Bloo, coming out from behind a suit of armor, "You ruined my trap! It was SUPPOSED to be for the jewel thief!"  
"Jewel thief?" squeaked Eduardo, not calming down much.  
"Oh, didn't you hear? There's a famous dangerous jewel thief in the house. I'm gonna catch 'im!"  
"Ay! A scary jewel thief! I ought to tell Wilt and Coco!"  
"Sure, you do that." said Bloo, walking off, "but trust no one...it could be ANYONE in the house!"  
"Even me?"  
"Naaaah!" cried Bloo as he left Eduardo's view. Eduardo made to make his way back to Wilt and Coco. As he did, his eyes darted nervously from place to place. He flinched and yelled as other imaginary friends walked by. "Calm down, Eduardo," he murmured to himself, "you got to be brave. Got to warn Wilt and Coco. Got to-"  
"Hi!" yelled Red, jumping out at him.  
"Waaaauuugh!" Eduardo screamed at the top of his lungs, and ran blindly through the walls of the house, passing, as he did, through a linen closet, a bathroom (in use), and Smarty Pants playing Crackers at chess.  
"...You ever get the feeling that you're just an extra in someone else's story?" Smarty Pants asked, after Eduardo had passed through.   
"...No!" replied Crackers, weirded out.

"Man, we lost him." said Wilt, slightly panicking now.  
"Coco!" Coco announced, and proceeded to lay two eggs. The first one popped open to reveal a large length of rope.  
"Oh, no. You're not going to try that, are you? I'm sorry, but that sounds like something Bloo would do."  
Coco proceeded to tie the rope up in a snare trap and then popped open the other egg, which contained (surprise, surprise) chocolate milk. Coco then walked around a corner to wait. Wilt reluctantly followed, realizing that he'd never catch Cheese at this rate. It wasn't long 'till Cheese walked past, saw the bait, cried "Chooooocolate miiilk!" and ran headlong into the trap. Coco then ran out to grab him, but he just swung himself around and around, eventually hitting Wilt when he went to help, and this frantic movement snapped the rope, setting Cheese free once more.

"Aha! Got it" Slugger exclaimed, dragging a container of petrol out of the garage.

Chapter Six: It Was Like That When I Got Here

"Lessee...it's gotta be round here somewhere. Aha!" Bloo cried triumphantly as he pulled a makeup kit out of Frankie's room. "Now I'm gonna be able to dust for prints! That thief is as good as caught." He walked past part of the hall which was on fire, with Slugger next to it yelling "Burn! Burn!". When he realised Bloo was there he turned to face him and tried in vain to block his view of the gigantic fire now raging. "H-hi, Bloo. Wassup?"  
Bloo glared at him for the longest time, and then said "Outta my way! I've got a criminal to catch and I don't need any pointless distractions!" He then walked off in search of the jewel thief.

"So," said Frankie, continuing the tour of the house through some of the house's many hallways, with Ms Philburn scribbling notes on a clipboard all the way. "We here at Fosters take great love and care for all the imaginary friends who live here. We treat them as if they were our own. What the-" Frankie had just walked around a corner to see Douglas and Adam with an imaginary friend hooked up to some weird machine, taking notes as the dials and LED displays changed on the machine. The imaginary friend seemed to be in no small discomfort. As soon as they saw Frankie, the two jumped in front of the machine, trying to block it from view. "What the heck are you two doing!? You're not allowed to do any weird experiments on any of the imaginary friends except Coco!"  
"Uh...you mean this..isn't Coco?" stammered Douglas.  
"No! It is not Coco!" cried Frankie, unplugging the friend from the machine.  
"Oh, we-we-well we'll just be going then." he replied, as he and Adam grabbed the machine and ran off. Well, the machine was so heavy that all they could do was walk briskly, but they certainly gave the impression of running.  
"Uuugh, why today?" Frankie muttered to herself.  
"Who were those men?" asked Ms Philburn.  
"Oh, two guys who dropped off a friend a few years ago on the provision that they could come and make observations on her whenever they liked. They're a little...you know, not that bright. Who wants to visit the parlour?"

"That was close. She almost found out." Adam remarked.  
"But the plan! The plan!" Douglas blurted out.  
"Don't worry. I don't think she suspects. The plan will go forward as...planned."

"Well, Coco, I think we've been taking the wrong direction here. I think we should try a new strategy for getting Cheese out of here."  
"Coco?"  
"No, Coco. A chainsaw is not a strategy."  
"Coco cocococococo."  
"I don't care if it would make everyone happy! Look, just hang back, I'll show you how this is done."  
Wilt turned around a corner, to see Cheese sucking on a light bulb.  
"Where'd he get that?" Wilt muttered to himself, then yelled "Hey, Cheese?"  
"Yes."  
"Wanna play a game?"  
"Yess! Yess!"  
"Well, then, come over here!"  
Cheese ran straight to Wilt, who grabbed him and lifted him into the air. "See, Coco?" Wilt said smugly "We didn't have to hurt him! He's just looking for someone to play with."  
"Uuuup! Uuuup!" Cheese cried, raising his hands in the air.  
"Cococo coco."  
"You think? Okay, then." Wilt then lifted Cheese onto his back, so that he was riding piggy-back.  
"Horsie! Horsie!" cried Cheese, jumping up and down.  
"You wanna ride?"  
"Yess! Yess!"  
"You wanna ride outside?"  
"Yesssss! Yesssss!"  
"Then let's go!"  
Wilt took about two steps towards the front doors before Eduardo came bowling into him, knocking him over.  
"Eduardo!"  
"Coco!"  
"Wilt! Coco! There is a BANDITO in the house! He is big, and scary, and he smells like feet! Is you okay?"  
"Taaaaag!" cried Cheese, and ran off.  
"Well, we WERE okay, until you ran into us! Sorry, sorry, but we were THIS close to having Cheese out of the house!"  
"Waah! I sorry, Wilt!" cried Eduardo, bawling now "I got scared something happen to you and Coco!"   
"Whoa, calm down, Ed. Calm down." said Wilt, patting Eduardo on the head. "It's okay, I'm sorry. It was an accident. No harm done."

"There certainly are a lot of hallways in this house, aren't there?" Ms Philburn commented.   
"You don't know the half of it." replied Frankie. "But we still make sure that all the rooms and hallways of the house are in tip-top condition." as she said this, they came across an Eduardo-shaped hole in the wall, through which they could see a whole lot more Eduardo-shaped holes in different walls. "Uh, moving along..." Frankie said, panickedly, ushering her guests further down the corridors which were covered in makeup. "Uh, moving along further..."

"Mm...it is now only a matter of time before that twit ruins the house and that ugly lady shuts down Fosters forever!" said Duchess to herself. "I shall be free! No more having to stand that lazy Frankie, that whiny Eduardo, that stupid Wilt, and most of all that troublesome-"  
"Duchess! I KNEW it would be you! Well, I'm on to your plans!" Bloo announced from behind Duchess.  
"What plans? I plan nothing!" Duchess blurted out.  
"Oh, yeah? Then why are you standing there gloating to yourself? Only people with evil plans gloat to themselves! After all the false leads and unnecessary torturing, I've finally caught you, jewel thief!"  
"Jewel thief? You think I am a- no wait. You wish to know who the jewel thief is, no?"  
"I know it's you, Duchess! Confess! I have ways of making people talk!" at this point, Bloo pulled out a couple of springy clothes pegs.  
"Listen, you grating little twerp!" Duchess yelled, pulling Bloo up so that he was level with her eyes (well, one of them, at any rate) "I'm trying to help you! I know who the jewel thief is! She is in this very house!"  
"What, seriously? For a while there, I thought maybe there WAS no jewel thief."  
"Then why all the yelling and grabbing and accusation?"  
"Mostly an excuse to use the clothes pegs. I don't suppose you-"  
"No. Now listen carefully. There is an old lady in the house, she is being followed by a blonde girl. She is the one you want. I'd watch out though. She's supposed to be pretty dangerous."  
"No one is a match for Inspector Blooseu! I shall track down this menace, and bring her to justice!"   
"I think she went that way!" Duchess told Bloo, who ran off in the offered direction. "Now, where was I? I think I got up to the part where I laugh evilly. Mwahahahaha!!"

Chapter 7: Oh, I See. It's A Donkey.

"And even though this is a huge house" said Frankie, still leading the tour around Fosters "we still manage to keep all the rooms at a stable warm temperature."  
"Yes, I noticed. How do you do it?" asked Ms Philburn.  
"You know, I don't have a clue. Wait!" Frankie dived between Ms Philburn and the door she was trying to enter, which was labeled "Stay Away".  
"You can't go in there!"  
"Young lady, I am here to inspect the WHOLE house, and I will not stay out of a room just because you say so." Ms Philburn replied, and barged in. She ran out almost immediately, screaming "Get them off!"  
"Back in there! You know the rules!" Frankie ordered, and the imaginary fleas jumped off Ms Philburn and back into the room. Frankie slammed the door after them. "Sososo sorry!" Frankie began to Ms Philburn.  
"It's alright." she grated "I shouldn't have gone in there." she then marched off with her niece in tow.  
"This is the worst day ever!" Frankie muttered to herself. "All I need now is for Goo to show up and I'll have the full package."

Cut to Goo, in the dentist's waiting room. "Whoa...Why do I suddenly get this feeling like my presence is required somewhere? Like, not that I'd help, or that I've got an appointment or something, but that I'm needed for like, dramatic purposes? Which is weird, cause most people say I'm annoying and try to get rid of me so why would I be needed somewhere? And who am I talking to anyway?"

"Lessee... where to start?" Slugger asked, surveying the kitchen. Ooh! I know!" he grabbed a whole bunch of silver cutlery and shoved them into the microwave. He set the timer for two minutes and then put it on. "Whooo..." he remarked as he saw the cutlery spark and fizz, "Whoa. Better put on the safety glasses." he noted, and put a couple of drinking glasses up to his eyes. Just then, the microwave exploded! Luckily (well, unluckily, according to some), Slugger was knocked over by the force of the explosion, before the twisted, flying cutlery lodged itself in him. Instead, it lodged itself in the wall. "Awesome!" Slugger cried. He wasn't the only one to think so. Cheese was standing in the kitchen doorway with an expression of awe on his face. "Hey, Cheese?" said Slugger "Wanna play a game?"

"I wonder where Cheese got to?" asked Wilt, as he, Eduardo and Coco walked down the halls. "He's gotta be round here somewhere-" CRASH! came a noise from the kitchen. The three friends ran to check it out. They opened the kitchen door to find Slugger and Cheese doing their best to make a huge mess! There were stains all over the walls, the fine china was smashed all over the ground, and they'd somehow managed to overturn the fridge! "Cheese!" Wilt shouted, and the three began to chase him down, or at least try to stop him from doing any more damage. Coco chased him up to the pantry, but Cheese just climbed out of her reach, throwing down jars as he went, and eventually jumping off and running away. Eduardo tried to grab him while he was in the sink, but only succeeded at smashing the tap (faucet, for you American readers) off, which began spraying water everywhere. Slugger wasn't any help at all; he just tried to get the other's attention, to no avail. And all the while, the eyes of a Picasso-esque picture on the wall followed the others around the room.

"Ahhh..." said Duchess satisfiedly on the other side of the wall, peering through the mismatched eyeholes."I was here to fix myself a snack, but instead I get a show!"

"I see how it is!" yelled Slugger. "I try my hardest to wreck the house ALL DAY and no one cares, but as soon as Cheese turns up, we all goootta catch him-oof!" The "oof!" was from Wilt tripping over him while chasing Cheese, which sent Wilt spinning upside-down into the wall. Eduardo ran to catch Cheese but Cheese dodged out of the way, and Eduardo's head ended up lodged in a cupboard. Coco layed an egg and opened it to reveal a net. She picked it up with her foot, and made to throw it at Cheese, but he ran straight at her legs, bowled her over, sent her and the net flying, and ended up with her captured underneath the net. She cried for help, but her two friends were in no condition to help her.

It was nearing the end of the tour, and Ms Philburn wasn't showing any signs of being happy. She was scowling at Frankie the same way she had been since she got here. At least that was better than Denise's evil grin, though.  
"How many more rooms are there in this awful house?" Denise complained. "My feet are killing me!"  
"Well, maybe if you didn't insist on wearing high heels everywhere..." Frankie muttered. "We just have the ground floor to cover, then we're done." she said out loud.  
"Bansai!" came a high pitched voice, as a blue streak slammed right into Ms Philburn and began trying to wrestle her to the ground.  
"Get off me!" Ms Philburn yelled.  
"That's him, Aunt Doris! That's the one who insulted me the other day!" screamed Denise.  
"Bloo! Get off her! What are you doing?" Frankie screamed.  
"She's a vicious jewel thief, Frankie! I gotta bring her to justice! Quick! Use your pepper spray!"  
Frankie yanked Bloo off of Ms Philburn and brought him to eye level. "Bloo, let me say this now, and I will only say this once. She is NOT a jewel thief. There are NO jewel thieves in the house. And if you don't stop misbehaving right now, I may just decide to cook "IT" for dinner, and tell everyone else why! Now go to your room!"  
She set Bloo down, who dazedly obeyed. He was kinda in shock.  
"Well, I think you dealt with that miscreant rather well, Miss Foster." Ms Philburn said. "A firm hand is what these imaginary friends need."  
"Well," said Frankie, exhausted, "How 'bout I make us some late lunch in the kitchen, and then we'll finish the tour."  
She opened the door and gasped at the scene before her. Stains, broken china, upturned fridge, stuff all over the floor, broken taps, silverware lodged in the walls, a knocked out Wilt, trapped Eduardo, and Coco in a net screaming "Cocococococo!" and in the middle of it all, Cheese and Slugger, arm in arm, swinging around in a circle smiling spraying mustard and ketchup in the air like a fountain. Eduardo ripped the entire cupboard out of the wall, realised this, and started crying. Ms Philburn did not look pleased. Denise looked ecstatic. Frankie was speechless, and before anyone could get the words to say anything, Duchess burst in.  
"Aha! Now this wretched hole will be shut down for sure! After all these years of living in squalor, I shall be taken away from this place!"  
"It was YOU!" Frankie screamed. "You're the reason everything has been going so lousy today! I thought it couldn't just be chance!"  
"You cannot prove anything! And if I DID do this, it just proves I am better than YOU, Frankie!"  
"Duchess! Watch out!" Frankie yelled as part of the ceiling above Duchess collapsed in flames. Duchess backed away in time, but was cut off from the rest of the room by flames.  
"Oh yeeaaaahhh..." Slugger said.  
"Well, don't just stand there!" Duchess said. "Do something, you idiots!". At that moment, Madame Foster burst into the room.   
"Fire! Everyone out of the house!" she yelled.  
"Fire? Waaagh!" Eduardo screamed, scooped up Wilt and Coco, and ran out the door. Denise also didn't need to be told twice. She ran screaming out the door too.  
"You guys go." Frankie said gravely. "I'll help Duchess."  
"But-" Ms Philburn began, but Madame Foster tugged at her blouse.  
"She knows what she's doing, dearie." she said calmly, and slowly led Ms Philburn out, who stopped halfway, turned to Cheese and said "You'd best come with me, dear."  
"Cheeeaaaaaahhh...okay." and he followed the two women out of the room.  
"So, how are you gonna save Duchess?" Slugger asked Frankie. Frankie didn't answer, but picked Slugger up by the tail and began swinging him in circles over her head. She then threw his head to Duchess, and he wrapped around her arm. "Grab on!" Frankie yelled." Duchess hesitated, a little disgusted, and Slugger mentioned "Hey, ladies? The flames are a tad hot!" Duchess then dug her claws into Slugger's face, and Frankie heaved her over the flames to safety. She then picked her up and ran out of the house, past some fire fighters, onto the front lawn, where the whole house was assembled and Mr Herriman was taking roll call. "Did everyone get out alright?" Frankie asked Madame Foster.  
"Yep. Soon as I noticed there was a fire, Funny Bunny and I rounded up all the friends! They're all safe and sound."  
"How come the fire alarms didn't go off?" Frankie asked.  
"Well, it looked to me like something ripped em out of the walls!"   
Frankie and Madame Foster both looked over to Eduardo.  
"They is how the robber man sees you!" he cried "Sees you to HURT you!"  
"Man, Frankie! You totally saved Duchess' life! Why?" Bloo asked.  
"And me! I helped! I was the rope!" chimed in Slugger.  
"Frankie! Are you alright?" Adam and Douglas ran up to Frankie to ask.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. And while you're here, exactly WHAT were you guys doing here anyway? Don't give me any lame excuses!"  
"Well we-we-we"  
"We have good news! We have just received a generous grant for our studies in figmentology, and your Mr Herriman has graciously allowed us to study here! Isn't that great? We'll be moving in!"  
"We wanted it to be a surprise." Douglas added. Frankie looked depressed.  
"As if this day couldn't get any worse."  
Ms Philburn walked over to Frankie. "Well, I can see from my visit that this house is nothing but total chaos!"  
"No! This stuff doesn't usually happen!" Frankie pleaded.  
"I can see that it DOES usually happen. This place is one disaster after the last."  
Denise grinned manically and Frankie seemed on the verge of tears.  
"And yet you still manage to take care of, protect and love all of these friends. Even the horrifically bratty ones. And still keep a smile on your face. I think that these imaginary friends are in most capable hands."  
"So we pass?" Frankie asked.  
"But Aunt Doris!" Denise screeched "This place is horrible! I-"  
"Now don't you take that tone with me, young lady! I can still have you over my knee!" Ms Philburn rebuked. At this, everyone else laughed, and Denise ran crying from embarrassment, off the Fosters grounds.   
"Blooo!" came an angry cry from the gates. "I arrive five minutes late and you burn the place down?" asked Mac, angrily.

The End

Epilogue:

"And as punishment for attempting to have Fosters shut down, you shall paint the entire ground floor!" said Mr Herriman to Duchess. "And do a good job. There are other floors which also require painting!" he and a grinning Frankie walked off. Duchess began painting when Slugger came along.  
"Hey! Need any help?"  
"Sure. You paint and I shall supervise. From my room." Duchess said, and walked off. Slugger began painting.  
"I love doing stuff with friends!"


End file.
